My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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