Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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