I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
