The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
