Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
