ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
