youre lurking in front of me
4 words: hood of his car
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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