What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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