two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
