On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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