Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Randomize
