I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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