so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
