Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
