Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
