Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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