college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
