I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
