woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
