Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
