i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
