i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
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I wish they made helmets for livers.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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