We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
