I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
