They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
