I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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