and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
