Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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