he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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