I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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