thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize