You just made me feel so damn special
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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