I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
