I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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