Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
