please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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