u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
