put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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