Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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