Please, let me fuck your mom
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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