i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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