The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
