You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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