I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
