He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
