woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
