He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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