I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
