Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
