i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
