that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
