Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
