Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
