She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
