he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
