he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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