Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
