dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
