I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
