You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
