i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
