Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
