GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We were destined to go to rehab together
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
And then he peed in my hair
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
