I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
