Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
