dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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