I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
two words...techno handjob
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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