thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
