Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
